The Four-Year-King

Kevin Andrew Murphy writes, in the comments on Electrolite: Unvarnished truth is all well and good for college students, but I somehow think there would be strong objection to "Mistresses, Slaves and Blowjobs — Our American Presidency!" becoming a standard text in the country's elementary schools.

Avram Grumer follows up with It is one of the duties of the office, after all. The president is a solar fertility deity; if he has lots of sex in office, then the economy will thrive. Clearly Dubya's not up to the job.

Avram is not alone. This morning, in the SF Gate's "Morning Fix" email newsletter, Mark Morford writes:

It is worthy of comparison. It is worth noting. Under Mr. Libido, under insanely maligned Clinton — under, in other words, a sexually aware and energized leadership — the nation was largely at peace, attained record budget surpluses, record low unemployment, international respect and admiration. Women's rights were assured and gay rights were protected and Clinton was welcomed like a freakin' rock star abroad, and, from what I understand, he still is.

He was widely loved and admired and respected and hey, here's a guy with an actual libido, and a whip-smart mind, and is unafraid to use either, rightfully and wrongfully. He's actually human, flawed and screwed up and heartily sexual and libidinously active and sorta proud of that fact and wow, what a concept.

And now we have Shrub. And now, it is all reversed, inverted, painfully ingrown, like a bad karmic toenail. ...

Because there is a direct and undeniable correlation between a nation's level of sexual awareness or repressiveness and its overall national level of openness or uptightness, its overall feeling of patriotic constipation. Just ask, say, Afghanistan.

There is a direct relationship between how we are now a divisive and frigid BushCo nation, in a state of perpetual war, saddled with a gutted budget, in an economic tailspin, how national morale is in the gutter and international respect for the U.S. almost nonexistent, and the overall cheerless and desolate climate of sexual education and awareness among our current leadership. Oh yes there is.

The cliche is, "I couldn't have said it better myself" but this is Mark Morford we're talking about, whose spell-checker should be grammatically enhanced to flag every adjective and subordinate clause for deletion, just so he can decide to cut at least some of them out. So: I could say it better myself, but the point is that Morford did say it.

Maybe we should take this the whole distance. The worldly avatar of the solar fertility god is the dead and resurrected king. Perhaps the insane compulsion to destroy Clinton was part of this dynamic. And maybe it ought to be part of the dynamic. Maybe the President of the United States should be encouraged to screw like a rut-crazed weasel during the term of office, and then disposed of when that term is finished.

Admit it: wouldn't it warm the cockles of your heart if you knew that the Shrub would be burned in a wicker man on Twelfth Night, 2005?