Bachelor Party Needs a Fix

Here's Mark Morford, writing in SF Gate's "Morning Fix":

Oh yes, there will be strippers. There will be skankiness. There might very well be illegal substances some of which are totally organic to the natural macrobiotic world and some of which most definitely are not and all of which make John Ashcroft scowl and pule and seethe with quiet jealousy.

There will most definitely be booze. And cigars. And gambling and yelling and laughter and guys sharing hotel beds to save money, and there will be music and drunkenness and all-night whoknowswhat and massive hangovers that require Bloody Marys all around, the next day, almost certainly.

Or maybe not. Maybe I'm just projecting. I have little idea what to expect. This is my first full-fledged hardcore bachelor-party adventure, and I'm part of a group consisting of more than 15 other guys, and it will all go down in Reno and the e-mails are flying and revealing and somewhat hilarious as the Single Guys vie with the Married Guys vie with the Crazy Guys as to budgets and activities and who wants to chip in for a powerboat versus the "entertainment" versus the limo versus those whose wives clearly instructed them not to do anything dangerous or illegal or naked or else. [emphasis added — ALB]

Reno? RENO????

I hate to break it to you, Mark, but except for the gambling part, you and your buds can have yourselves a better, wilder time right here at home in San Francisco.

Reno's a nice town; I like to go there. But I like it for things like the view of the western Sierras from my hotel room, the Truckee River running through the center of town, the family-style home cooking at the Santa Fe Basque Restaurant, and the no-limit Texas hold'em game that gets down Friday and Saturday nights in the poker room at the El Dorado.

But aside from that no-limit game, the poker in Reno is nothing to write home about; you'll find more action at the Lucky Chances cardroom in Colma, or just about any other of the large Bay Area cardrooms.

Conoisseurs of sin and depravity agree: the strip clubs of Reno are second-rate — nowhere near as wild and crazy as those in Las Vegas to the south ... or as the Mitchell Brothers' O'Farrell Theater right here at home.

There are three ways in which Reno might be viewed as superior to San Francisco as a venue for a bachelor party:

(1) Overall gambling opportunities. Craps is one of the best damn party games around (although I don't know anywhere in Reno where you can get more than double odds; to get a more attractive 10X or 100x odds, you have to go to Las Vegas).

(2) Smoking is allowed in the bars, restaurants, casinos, etc., in Reno. (I don't personally think this is a genuine plus, but you might.)

(3) The legal brothels outside of town. Don't waste your money at the clipjoints outside Carson City, where (my sources tell me) a party can cost on the order of $500 to $1,000 per person; instead try the Old Bridge Ranch, just past Sparks, or the Wild Horse Resort, a little further east on I-80. Here you can expect to pay on the order of $200 to $300, at least if your hostess doesn't figure you for a total chump. (But if you aren't bothered by niceties of the law, those same sources tell me that you can find that sort of entertainment for cheaper in San Francisco.)

San Francisco is a wonderful town where bad boys can play, and Las Vegas is absolutely marvelous. Reno, as much as I love it, is instead a great place to take a wife, partner, or sweetie for a weekend getaway.